Robin Soderling talks about the disease in a new book
Seven days after the victory in the 2011 stadium, Robin Soderling is seated on a sofa in the psychiatric emergency department in Gothenburg.
“I want you to put me to sleep,” he said to the doctor.
July 2011. The world tennis star lies in bed under a duvet at his girlfriend Jenny’s home. He screams, cries and breathes every time. Panic takes over both body and mind, finding it hard to breathe and not noticing when he jerky scratches Jenny’s arm.
Sleepless Nights succeed each other, a hooded-faced creature in the adult suit he’s got as he wanders anxiously at a Christmas present across the capital.
wants to escape. Jenny takes him to the West Coast to her parents, but they only have time to stay for a short time before Robin asks her to take him to the hospital, where he is referred to the psych ward.
Seven days after defeating David Ferrer in a stadium final on July 17, 2011, a week after his last match point as a professional player, he sits down Robin Soderling In the emergency psychiatric department of the Sahlgrenska Hospital in Gothenburg.
“He touched the words. He was a verbal person and was always able to accurately describe the various pain states that an elite athlete continually goes through. But this was something other than the grinding, rushing and throbbing pains that he came to know and fought against with will and the daily maximum dose of painkillers. The pain was Who suffers from him now without words, as if from another world.
“It’s all wrong, like having a dryer inside your body. Or like an old kettle, when the water sizzles and the valve squeaks, or if you pour water into a balloon, so that the balloon expands until it’s close to exploding from the inside. That’s how it feels,” Robin explained.
And so to the point.
“I want you to put me to sleep,” said Robin.
“We don’t do that,” the doctor said.
“This is a hospital, you can fix that, right?”
The doctor was relentless, and anesthesia was not an option.
Robin screamed and roared.
“Give me one more thing, then, so that I may be healthy.”
“I just wanted to get away”
The event is described in Sluten’s book (Nature & Culture) published today. When Sportbladet spoke to the former star on the phone, he once again describes the encounter with the caregiver, which was overwhelming.
– I remember feeling very bad. I went to the hospital and said I felt bad and then I was referred to the psychiatric department. He says it was an experience I never thought I would be a part of.
Did you ask to be sedated?
I couldn’t stand staying awake, I just wanted to get away from it all for a while, says Robin Söderling and continues:
I didn’t sleep many nights and felt really bad. I said, “Can’t you sleep with me?” I couldn’t stand staying awake, I just wanted to get away from all this for a while. But apparently there was no method used…
Robin Soderling laughs and seems happy and grateful that the book can soon reach fans and others who want to share his fate. Hope the contribution will be supportive of others.
– It’s a bit a shame that people call it a mental illness, for me it was very physical. The body was in rebellion, and was completely exhausted. It becomes like a taboo. It’s something I thought about later.
When you see photos of you from the tournament at a stadium that summer, are you surprised that you managed to pull yourself together?
– It was a bit like the last moments. There was a lot of adrenaline, I played very well and had a lot of energy. But it wasn’t a nice energy, I was awake and could do whatever I wanted, but then the body would release everything when you’re relaxed.
Detail from ATP Circus
The 38-year-old, who today runs his own company and is still active in tennis, was open about how he felt at Summer Talk 2020. Feedback after the programme, which gave a new image of the tennis player, showed the way to the next step. Together with co-authors Henrik Johnson and Johar Benjloul, Robin Soderling draws his story into a personal book. The trio received input from Jenny, now Ms Soderling, and the coaching staff around the tennis star and hardworking aspiring player, but also lost.
For tennis fans, ATP Circus details and Robin Söderling provide insight and inspiration. With ten ATP titles and victories against the greatest like Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic, Tibro’s son has entered the unique world summit.
But the success came at a price.
Crying is just as important as breathing, that was clear.
If you don’t get air you die, and if Robin isn’t allowed to cry he will suffocate.
turned again. It is required to find the correct body position.
The sheets were twisted like mummy wraps around his body, and the quilt was twisted from all the twists and turns.
Since when has he been wriggling like this? It was impossible to know. The only time that mattered was the seconds until the next breath. Ins and Outs.”
Despite the collapse after Bastad, Robin Soderling gathered his strength and went to the USA for the US Open. Immediately, the ground beneath him receded again.
He called coach Fedi Rosengren and said, “I can’t play today. I can’t breathe. Help me. I’ll die if I play. I can’t breathe. You have to help me.”
The coach took a taxi, his student sobbing in his lap, to Flushing Meadows. The match doctor ran tests without finding any error, but chose to believe the player’s story. Soderling was allowed to leave the US Open without playing a single match.
A failed comeback attempt at the Stockholm Open in the fall led to a decision being made.
Talking in public about panic and crying was unimaginable. They needed a “cover story”. In the book, Feddi Rosengren’s suggestion appears: “We can say you have glandular fever.”
accused of doping
After some time, Robin Soderling was diagnosed with glandular fever.
The connection looks great.
– It might be wrong for Fedi to say we found it. Regarding this, I had glandular fever and I think when you are very frustrated, your immune system becomes weak and then it becomes easier to get infections. Soderling says I had glandular fever and that was the last straw.
He also commented in the book on the doping allegations made against him by the Belgian player Christophe Rochus.
– I felt like I wanted to include him in the book. But I didn’t take it too hard. I felt as against steroids as could be when I got out of bed with difficulty.
When did you realize the extent of your health problems?
– I would say it was probably four years ago. I’ve always been nervous and had difficulty performing, everyone has performance anxiety, then the question is how long does it take to recover.
“Live a different life”
How do you feel when you read about yourself and the picture of you in the book?
– There are mixed feelings. Sport at the highest level regardless of the sport is a hell of a balance. I think you have to be a little selfish to get that far. You have to be meticulous and totally loyal, but you have to find the balance. You can’t be all the time 24/7 and just go to your bubble.
How are you now?
– In many ways, I feel better now than before. But maybe I’m more sensitive to stress than before. Although sometimes I think I might pay more attention to the signals. But I live a different life, I think more and I’m more alert and recovering.
He’s learned lessons he’s happy to share.
It’s important to find balance in everything you do, which is very difficult in today’s society, and is something I wish I had learned earlier, says Soderling, who hopes the youth coaches can include this aspect of their leadership:
Demands are being placed on children today too early. Maybe it’s not wrong, but you can’t feel heavy with the demands, stress and pressure all the time, but you just have to find time to relax, says a father of two.